From the Front - Part Two

29 December 2008, 23:51

Grams,

Alas, we returned to the front lines this evening with high hopes that the pesticism would be over. Despite significant damage to their troop base, the cockroaches are still a present force and engaging in hugs non stop. The Penthouse Platoon, however, has full confidence that we will win on that front.

The more difficult battle lies with the termites. Despite the WMD dropped last night, they are still alive - however less out in the open, hiding in their bunkers. The Platoon has not tried the "milk" as we fear losing fingerprints or fingers and we'd rather not damage our nervous systems by being in close proximity to the lethal agent orange. We considered it but given the fact that we don't know how much power it contains - administering it incorrectly could be dangerous.

Colonel Bellavia called Superman this evening and he readily agreed to send reinforcements into the war zone with the serum in the afternoon. He was agreeable and due to Corporal Henderson's amazing peace talks at their last meeting, there were no complaints or arguments. We will await his reinforcements.

Thanks for your support back home, we couldn't do it without you. We miss you Grams.

The Penthouse Platoon

From the front - Part One

29 December 2008, 01:50

Dear Grams,

Our battle against pesticism continues. This evening, we have waged war against the cockroaches of the north and an unexpected rising of the termites in the south.

A mommy and daddy cockroach had a "special" hug. As a result of that hug, vast numbers of mummies and daddies have intruded on our kitchen. Over a series of evenings, Colonel Bellavia has conducted a series of offensives against the mummies and daddies. The mummies and daddies were resilient and have continued to spawn making their defeat much more difficult. After acting on intel from Brigadier Chicken, heavy artiliery was acquired. Tonight we deployed our WMD's upon the enemy and the body count is seriously rising.

Alas, the same evening, yet another enemy approached and struck from the south*. A swarm of termites using guerilla warfare tactics, have infiltrated outposts on all levels and sides of the region**. The Kurta and Sari people were in desperate need of rescue. After a quick and thorough evaction by Seargent Shoebox and her troops, the area was evacuated and the people relocated. Seargent Shoebox returned to the area and sucessfully dropped yet another WMD to secure the area.

We are currently waiting in a secure location*** for the area to clear of toxic fumes. Our fear is that the guerillas have gained strongholds that we are incapable of identifying and extinguishing on our own. Only Superman can save us now.

And here ends another day in the trenches. Send our love to ma and pa and dear sweet Peggy Sue and Bobby Jo. We miss you all and are continuing the fight for freedom. Freedom from pesticism of the intrusive and swarming nature.

Colonel Bellavia & Seargent Shoebox

*the western closet of Kim and Chardaie's room
**the entire closet area
***becky's room

Hymn for Sri Lanka

Father, thou has promised
The isles shall wait for thee
The joyous isles of Ocean
The jewels of the sea
Lo, we this island's watchmen
Would give and take no rest
For thus, hath thou commanded
Till our dear land be blessed.

Then bless her mighty Father
With blessings needed most
In every verdant village
By every palmy coast
On every soaring mountain
O'er every spreading plain
May all her sons and daughters
Thy righteousness attain.

Give peace within her borders
"Twixt man and man goodwill"
The love all unsuspicious
The love that works no ill
In loyal lowly service
Let each from other learn
The guardian and the guarded
Till Christ Himself return

To Him our land shall listen
To Him our land shall kneel
All rule be on His shoulders
All wrong beneath His heel
O consummation glorious
Which now by faith we sing
Come, cast we up the highway
That brings us back the King.

Walter Stanley Senior (1876-1938)

My favourite bit is 1:24-2:10 :-)

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Pakistani Threat - Bob Graham

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living

Psalm 27:13

Seen

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Verbatim

After a few months here, the way that I talk has changed. My parents noticed it too - well, not so much what comes out of my mouth but how everything is now accompanied by a head bobble. Afraid that my new habits will continue upon return to NZ, let me share with you some of my new favourite phrases:

“My arm is paining.”
“You should go home and take good rest.”
“Have you reduced?”

"Have you eaten?"
“We have met with an accident.”
“Have you reached?"
“Should we pick you?”
“I need to get down at the office.”
“He has gone to his native place to see his cousin brother.”
“Where do you stay?”

"Fair price"
“I have a doubt about your message.”
“Please put my vegetables in a separate cover.”
“Yes, friend, tell me.”
“Signal lefta, Next signal U-turn. Left-side stop.”
“Everyday I go and come.”
“Ohhhh, why are you tensioning me?!”

"Aiiohhhh!"